


Ride Share Scare

by Haywire



Category: Letterkenny (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:26:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22609999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haywire/pseuds/Haywire
Summary: When Wayne, Darry, Katy, and Dan try to get a ride home after a night at Modean's, they get more than they bargained for. Way more. Too much, actually.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 44
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 5





	Ride Share Scare

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elegantstupidity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elegantstupidity/gifts).



Dan hovered one foot over the threshold of Modean’s, hesitating for just a split second before placing it uncertainly on the ground below.

“Careful there, Squirrely Dan,” said Darry, catching a hold of Dan’s shoulder. “I think you may have had a bit too drink to much.” He blinked and tried it again. “Too drink to… too… a lot.” He finished the drink in his hand and then placed the empty bottle on a nearby table. “Reckon we all might have.”

Wayne, still inside, hoisted a bottle of Puppers and drained it completely before chiming in. “Can confirm.”

Katy whipped out her phone and started typing quicker than either of them could manage.

“What are you doin’ there, Miss Katys, if I mights be askin’?” asked Dan, followed with a hiccup.

“We need a ride home, and I heard there was a new ride share app in Letterkenny.” She shrugged and leaned against the side of the building. “Seems like the perfect chance to try it out.”

At the same speed with which he’d hoisted the end of his Puppers, Wayne also whipped out his own phone. “Way ahead of you. I’ve already requested one.”

“Me three,” said Darry, pulling his phone out but dropping it as soon as he’d produced it. “Dang it.”

“And I makes four,” Dan added once they’d all staggered outside into the cold night air. “I guess we’ll just have to sees who shows up first and alls.”

As if on cue, obnoxious music came blaring to life and a jeep skidded into the parking lot of Modean’s. The windows rolled down and Reilly popped his head out of one side, with Jonesy on the other.

“Someone call for a Lift?” said Reilly.

“Do you even LIFT, bro?” Jonesy asked.

Katy rolled her eyes at them. “I should’ve known that Lyft spelled with an ‘i’ instead of a ‘y’ was, well...” She struggled to come up with a better word in her inebriated state but couldn’t. “Stupid.”

“That’s a Texas-sized 10-4,” Wayne agreed.

“Wait, are all four of you looking for a ride?” Reilly asked. “‘Cause we don’t have room for four.”

“One only, boys,” said Jonesy. “We’ve got our gear in the back, so it’d have to be a small one, too.”

“He means we’d just pick up Katy,” finished Reilly.

“Hard pass.” Katy held up her hand and then waved them off. “Move on, guys.”

“Aw sniper, come on…” Jonesy and Reilly both started to plead.

They stopped when Wayne took one step towards the Jeep, and then they peeled out of the parking lot.

“Well, that’s one app I can uninstall.” Katy swiped her fingers across her phone to do just that, then took a step back as another vehicle pulled up to the group.

A crew cab pick-up truck came to a halt, popping small pebbles and gravel up with its large wheels as it came to rest in the lot. A pair of large decals with the letters ‘Q’ and ‘M’ were emblazoned across the driver side door.

“I think this is the one I called,” Darry said, hitting his chest and forcing out another belch. He held up his phone and showed it to the others as proof.

Wayne squinted at the display and tried to read what it said. “Who or what in the name of…”

“QuickMurray at your service,” boomed a voice, talking over Wayne. McMurray popped out of the truck, wearing the same white t-shirt he always wore, the only difference being a small ‘QM’ sewn onto the upper-left portion of the shirt. “Wayne, how’re ya now?”

“How’re ya -” started Wayne, stopping and starting again as the two spoke over each other. “Good McMurray and how’re -”

“How’re yo- I’m… I’m fine and how’re -” McMurray stumbled over Wayne’s greeting at the same time. “Look, Mrs. McMurray came up with this idea to make a little extra money for our annual trip down ‘Minican, you know.” He grinned and rubbed his hands together. “Now, are you still looking for a ride?”

“No thanks, McMurray.” Wayne stepped up and extended his hand in a brisk motion, shaking McMurray’s and then stepping back to the group.

The other man grumbled under his breath and got in his truck, then sped away.

“McMurray’s a piece of shit,” Wayne said.

“We still could’ve taken a ride, brother,” Katy said. “He’s not _that_ bad.”

“Oh don’t get him started, Katy.” Dan shook his head. “There was this one times, what with a hots tubs, and…”

“They were there, good buddy.” Darry interrupted him, shaking his head. “I wish none of us were, but yeah…”

They all shared an awkward moment of silence, which was only interrupted by yet a third vehicle pulling up. An old sedan rolled up to them, complete with a bouncing bobblehead of Jesus on the dashboard.

“Jesus Christ,” Darry exclaimed.

“The one and only,” Glen said, exiting the driver’s side. “Now, did one of you fine gentlemen call for Reverends In Motion?” He took them all in, one by one. “Darry. Dan.” He lingered far too long for anyone to be comfortable on Wayne. “Waaaaaaayne.” Last but not least - alright, maybe least to Glen - he looked at Katy. “Katy.”

“I most certainly did not,” said Wayne.

“I thinks that was me,” Squirrely Dan said. He looked at his phone then nodded. “Yups, it was the first ones I seen. I didn’t know though.” He shot an apologetic look at Wayne, who just shook his head.

“Come on now, Wayne. I’m more than willing to give you a ride. Heck, first time’s free, y’all never had a ride with a Reverends In Motion before, have y’all?” Glen tilted his glasses down and eyed them all, especially Wayne.

“You know, we call ourselves RIM for short. And I do a great job, honest to the boss upstairs,” Glen added with a laugh. “Come on, Wayne, you want a job? With RIM? Just say it, you want…” He rolled his hand in the air, trying to get Wayne to say what he wanted.

“Hard. Pass.” Wayne squinted even harder than usual and did not move a muscle.

“Aw, y’all are just party poopers.” Glen waved his hand dismissively at them and got back in his car, leaving them there alone.

“Is that it then, or…” Darry asked, then stopped as one more vehicle came up to them.

Much like the first car, music was blaring, only this time it was the frantic beat of trap music accompanied by high pitched screaming and singing. The interior of the car was full of smoke, a large cloud of which billowed out as both front doors opened.

“Greetings! Your stUber has arrived.” Stewart waved his hand out at his car, which could technically hold them all in the back but it would’ve been a tight squeeze.

On the other side of the car stood Roald, who held a brown paper bag in one hand.

“What’s he doing here?” asked Darry.

“This vehicle also doubles for Skid The Dishes, and I have an order to deliver at the same time.” He looked uncomfortable for a second then rounded on the other skid. “Roald, the food’s going to get cold, get back in the car!”

“ _Stewart!_ ” whined Roald, before submitting and getting back in the car.

The four of them just stood and started at Stewart, whose creepy grin turned into a scowl.

“What? It’s a free market! This is how capitalism works, you miscreants! Don’t trap me in your system and punish me for trying to fit into it!”

“Wish you weren’t so fuckin’ awkward, bud,” Wayne said, shaking his head.

“Yeah, no, that’s a hard pass from all of us,” Darry said, speaking for the group.

“Go home, Stewart,” Katy concluded.

“Glorious! I didn’t want to give you a ride anyway! I - “ Stewart fumbled for another second before settling on flipping them off and getting back into his car to drive away.

After a full minute passed and no other vehicles arrived, they all looked at each other. Wayne hoisted his forearm and looked at his watch.

“Modean’s is still open for another hour,” he finally said.

“Right, pitter patter, let’s get back at ‘er,” Darry proffered.

“Makes as much sense as any of that,” Katy added.

“‘Sides, wes can always walks home afters,” Squirrely Dan said in agreement.

They went back inside and did their level best to drink enough to forget everything that had just happened.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Ride Share Scare](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24236056) by [luftnarp-podfic (secretsofluftnarp)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretsofluftnarp/pseuds/luftnarp-podfic)




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